Gray Prospects – Eda Kemerkaya

She stood up and got dressed. She hadn’t washed her clothes for days now but she didn’t care at all. She was feeling like dirt already. She stood up in the middle of her room and looked around. Everything seemed gray since… She tried not to think of that. She went to the kitchen and made some coffee for herself since anybody wasn’t home but herself and the other anymore. She grabbed her coffee and went to the living room. There were books everywhere, some of them read, some of them ripped. She didn’t care. The curtains, what used to be white but gray now, had cigarette holes on them. The television wasn’t working and her desk on which she used to write things was broken. She looked for her cigarette for a while and found them under the pillows of her couch. She dropped herself on the couch and spilled some coffee on the rug. She didn’t care. She had something else to think in her head. Since she heard the slammed door, she couldn’t snap out of it.
One week before she was again sitting like that, with her coffee in her hand and her cigarette in her mouth. She had heard someone in the bedroom. It must be the other one, she thought. They had been living together but no one knew that. When someone came home, there had been always one of them. They had avoided being together when acquaintances were home. Now that noone was there, they were free. In fact, they had been having a huge fight for days but they were ignoring it. She had drank her coffee and extunguished her cigarette as the other walked by. They were alike. The other had the same hair and eyes, and was wearing the same clothes. The other had dropped herself on the couch near her. The other was cheerful all the time but she broke her heart. The other wept as she looked at her in pity. She had stood up and hurled the coffee mug to the other. Don’t be that defenceless, you make me feel sick, she shouted. She had seen herself in the other’s eyes, now weeping. The other stood up and, you are going to lose everyone near you, she said. She had gone to the bedroom and picked her things up. The other had looked at her for last time and slammed the door. As soon as the other was gone, she felt down. She felt incomplete. After all, she was her other half.
She put out her cigarette and stood up. Looked around for something to write on. She found a piece of letter that her lover wrote. She wrote something in tears. She slowly went to the balcony and looked down. She saw people but not their faces. She looked at the sky and saw that it was gray. She precipitated into the abyss.
The days after, acquaintances came to their home. Knocked the door but seeing no one was answering, cracked the door. They looked for her but only thing they found was a piece of letter, written “she is gone and I am left and she have taken with her the world”.

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